Saturday, July 27, 2013

Theological Consistency.....Letting our actions echo our beliefs

Let me start by saying this post will probably offend some of you.  This is not my intent, but I do realize offense is an unavoidable bi product of this post.  Why you may ask?  In the past month many of you have innocently said things to Carrie or I that can bring great offense if we let it.  These comments are simple and come from a loving place, but they get to the heart of a problem in many of our churches today.  Simply put, our comments and actions are not consistent with the theology we proclaim.

The easiest way to explain is simply to reveal the comment that has been made by so many people in the past month.  That comment: "How do like parenthood?" or "Is being parent what you thought it would be?"  or any other variation on that question.  It seems like for everyone in our lives, we have just now become parents because we have held Shiloh in our arms.  There seems to be this belief that the process of labor is what makes someone a parent.  This seeming belief goes right against a theology most of these same individuals claim to believe.

Most of our friends in the Evangelical circle hold to the belief that life begins at conception.  Carrie and I both hold to this belief.  We understand this concept more profoundly than most people.  Because we believe this, we know we have been parents for 10 years now.  The problem most of us have is that Carrie and I never had the chance to hold our first 2 children.  They were named. Beautiful names, Abigail Grace and Bethany Teresa.  They are loved just as much as Shiloh is loved.  Yes, we have parents for 10 years.  The difference is while other parents got to experience the joys and triumphs of birth, growth, and development, Carrie and I only got to experience the pain, heartache, and loneliness of loss.

In my eyes, that makes us parents even more than  many people who have lots of children.  It's easy getting all the good stuff.  It is devastating only having the bad, only experiencing loss.  Yes, we will experience different parts of parenthood now, but that does not mean we have just become parents.  Let me let you in on a little secret.  When you say things like those that have been said to us in the past month, it hurts.  It feels as if our first 2 children weren't important enough for us to be considered parents.  In some ways it feels as if their memory is being defiled.

I do not say these things to offend you or hurt you.  I want you to be informed.  I want to learn to begin to choose your words carefully when dealing with people.  Next time Mother's Day or Father's Day rolls around, remember those in your life who have children who didn't make it here.  Think before you speak to someone about parenthood, and ask yourself if your actions and words are consistent with the belief that you hold.  In times like these, our words can either heal or kill the spirit of a man or woman who is hurting.  If our theology is consistent with our actions, great healing can occur in those who have experienced great loss.

Please understand you have not offended us because we have grown from that place and realize your words come from a place of love, but do learn from what I have said because many couples have not reached that place.  Your words may be the difference between them finding solace in Jesus or loneliness in the world.

Since I have never said it out loud.  Abigail Grace and Bethany Teresa, Daddy loves and misses you. Tell Nanny and Poppy I love them and miss them too.

No comments:

Post a Comment