Yes, I have ranted about this before. Many females today dress way too skimpy. There is a fundamental lack of understanding when it comes to a godly view of sexuality. My heart breaks when I see women and girls of all ages victimized without even knowing it is happening. Churches and believers in general are failing at transforming the world, and they have begun to be transformed by the world.
I believe our focus has been wrongly placed when it comes to sexuality in Christian circles today. Many are so focused on the lives of homosexual people they are missing the atrocities of heterosexual females, especially younger ones, that are happening right in front of their eyes. Many are pointing their fingers at the Gay community and blaming them for the downfall of American culture all the while closing their eyes to the growing number of "prostitots" in their own homes and churches. I'll explain the term later.
Let me be clear up front that I do believe homosexuality is a sin, but I do not believe it is my place to judge anyone for what they are doing. I don't condone such relationships, but I do not condemn those individuals either. Let's look at this from a different direction. I do not condone premarital sex, but I would not judge a youth or adult who has been caught engaging in such acts. What I would do is love those individuals and try to lead by example and grace. That's how Jesus did it in the Bible. He never came down hard on anybody, but he was clear when something was a sin.
I write all of this to say I do not believe the homosexual agenda is our greatest threat in the world today. There is a bigger threat to the morality of our society in the form of immodesty. In the last 100 years, society has gone from the idea that the body is sacred, only for the one you marry, to the body as an art exhibit. At the turn of the last century, bathing suits were just that, suits that covered a person from head to toe. Slowly, sometimes more quickly, the swimsuit has "evolved" into material that doesn't even cover any part of the body. Bodies have become something people show off rather than keep sacred.
I am not sure if the reason for this is a fundamental misunderstanding of how the male mind works or a true understanding of how it works. Male minds are visual so by showing more you get more attention, but is it the right kind of attention? I watched a talk one day where a guy quoted a study about the part of the brain that becomes active when a man views a scantily clad female. In this speech, he claimed the part of the brain that reacts is the same part that reacts when you use a tool. I have not been able to find this study, but as a man, it makes real sense. A scantily clad woman is not someone I see as a "relationship prototype." Stages of undress make someone an object rather than a person.
It's ironic one of the big feminist arguments about conservative Christian circles is women in those societies are treated as little more than property or objects, and they are forced to wear the modest covering apparel. In some circles that could be true, but in a majority of these circles, women choose to dress this way and live the life they do out of a God given freedom. They do not feel like property. They do not feel enslaved. On the contrary, they usually feel like princesses and queens because they have kept their femininity and are cherished by their husbands, father, and brothers. The irony is those women fighting against these roles are urging the females of society to act and dress in such a way they become the objects, tools, and property they were seeking to avoid becoming.
Our problem is while the Christian community as a whole is crying against other things, the extreme feminist community is crying against us. The squeaky wheel gets the grease! We live in a world that has bought into the ideas presented in the media. When girls and women in the "real world" dress and act like females in music videos, movies, television, and pornography, why are we dumbfounded ? We aren't talking against it. We just sit back and wonder "why their parents aren't doing their job."
I'll agree with that thought for a minute, but we have to stop making excuses for why we aren't transforming the world. Their parents are only doing what the world has told them is appropriate and attractive. Teens are only doing what their friends and media tell them is appropriate. Children, they take their cues from everyone else! Why are we letting the world dictate what is appropriate?
Last week was Vacation Bible School, and there was a night when the youth workers had to be given a talk. Not all the workers dressed inappropriately, but a few did. The Youth Director was so busy that night as VBS Director that she wasn't able to notice the things until they were pointed out to her. So, I will let the secret out for any youth who may be reading this that wants to be mad at her. I am the one who pointed it out and asked her to address it. I am very proud of the way she did. It takes courage to look at a young person and say dress appropriately or don't come. But their is one thing about her speech I would change. I do not fault the Youth Director for saying it because it's what we all say! It's the saying everybody uses that I believe shows the fundamental flaw in our dealings with modesty and sexuality. What is it? "You are at church so you should dress appropriately."
Dressing appropriately is not just a church thing. By saying that, we say to those around it is okay to dress immodestly everywhere but church. Therein lies the problem. It's not appropriate to be immodest anywhere! The separation we have set up makes our lives messy and confusing. In reality, if it's not appropriate to do in church, it's not appropriate to do anywhere! That goes for anything, not just modesty. The sacredness of your body is something that should be of importance everywhere we are. And it should be stressed at an early age. Many of you may have noticed the following post I posted on Facebook:
What is wrong with people? Stumbling through Amazon Prime choices and watched a little Dance Moms. These people are crazy! The pressure! Winning is the only thing?!? Not to mention 7 year old girls dressed like hookers! Way too much makeup, and all of the girls have head shots where they are posed like 30 year old centerfolds! Can little girls not be little girls, dress like little girls, do dances appropriate for little girls, and still show their talent? The videos of competitions before this show seem to do just that. Is this all made up for TV? Don't get me started on the moms.
I was shocked as I watched that show. It's where the term "prostitots" came from earlier. A mom said it about how the girls in the 9-12 age division were being forced to dress. Little girls that look like prostitutes! What made me really mad were the moms who didn't like it, but didn't stop it. They let their child perform that way!. A 9 year old must be guarded by her parents. It is the parent's role in that situation to say no. Yet, these things happen, and if you have been into the children's clothing section of any department store recently, you would know that it isn't just these crazy moms. Thongs for little girls, pants with writing on the bottom, and belly baring shirts are all normal fare at Walmart and other places. Until the public stands up against these things, we will see an increasing number of prostitots in our world. Somehow churches have gotten away from guarding the lives of these little ones. Let's put it this way: IT IS NEVER JUST AN OUTFIT! When we take that attitude, we have taken the attitude of Adam and Eve in the garden. The serpent said, "it's just a bite," and the doorway was opened to sin. We have to protect the innocence of these little girls.
Of course it's not just little girls' clothing. Have you noticed the clothing made for teenage girls today? Jeans that have designs or are faded in strategic areas to draw attention are the trend. Showing our bra or other private areas is the norm. In fact, we have cultivated a society that calls it attractive. Guys aren't immune. Baggy pants, wifebeaters, or no shirt is just as immodest as the things girls wear today. Modesty runs both ways. In the Old Testament, instructions were given for special undergarments for the priests to wear to cover their nakedness and remain modest. Then, God also gives instructions for the altar to be built in such a way that not even the undergarments could be seen so they would not be ashamed! Seeing their undergarments was the same as seeing them naked! Guys, pull your pants up!
Of course, no discussion on this topic is complete without a talk on teenage desires. *This part may have controversial language, so be warned.* When I say the words teenage desires, people always go negative. They start talking about how guys are just horny, and that girls just want to please guys, but that isn't the complete truth. Yes, guys hormones are out of control and they have these feelings and lusts they do not understand at times. Yes, many times girls give into guys requests because they are trying to keep them happy, but why? I believe the desire of every teenager is the same. It goes back to the garden again when God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." Teenagers do not want to be alone. They want relationships, they want love, and they want to be desirable. Most teens do not set out to be promiscuous. Most teens begin with that one relationship they believe will last forever. In that relationship, they give away the most important gift they will ever have to give. When that relationship fails because of society's standards, they find it easier the next time because it has already been given away. Each time, they are looking for something they have not been taught how to find. The desire of teenagers is not sex, it is intimacy, but we have failed to show them the difference and they are learning the wrong things from society.
Thus begins the cycle of victimization. Females are victimized more than males is an unfortunate truth. Many times, the victim does not know they are a victim. A girl becomes a victim when a someone uses her for their purposes. The little girl who is looked at in a lustful way by the man who sees her on the road has just become a victim. The 6th grader who gives into sex because she really likes the 11th grader has just become a victim. The teenage girl who sleeps with all of her boyfriends because that's what will keep them happy has just become a victim. Any girl who becomes an object for someone else's pleasure has become a victim. The only difference between these "real life" girls and the porn stars of internet fame in that capacity is the porn star made a conscious choice to become that object.
Yet, somewhere along the way we have normalized this. We have told women, teens, and girls the goal is to get men to think this way about them. We have raised up boys and men with wandering eyes and hearts. We have sold our mothers, our daughters, our sisters, and our friends into virtual sexual slavery by raising up a generation who thinks this way. We have made our bedrooms "seeker-sensitive" where we enter asking what we can get for our own pleasure rather than seeking the intimacy that comes from God. We have created a society of female victims and a generation of males who are victimizers, each one unaware of what's happening! What we have become is a "pornified" society that seeks only its own benefit, caring not for the individual it uses. This is not the way it's supposed to be. Ask anyone their greatest desire and it is intimacy. We have traded true intimacy in our relationships with a cheap image of sex and lust!
At some point this must change if we are to be the change Jesus has called us to be. We must begin raising up females who know who they are and whose they are. We must raise up males who have the integrity and the fortitude to be MEN and not boys. Men who will stand up for the protection of the ones God created to cure loneliness. Men who will treasure the one completes them in the way God meant for them to, and we must raise up women who will accept this.
How? Where do we start? We have been free-falling for years into this culture of hedonism and decadence. Isn't this order a little too big? How can we reclaim godly sexuality in this fallen culture? I know it will be difficult, but I believe there are five areas where we can start.
1) TEACH UNIQUENESS AND SACREDNESS
Somewhere along the way we have forgotten the idea that we are all unique and the gifts we are given are sacred. Part of our problem as a society is that we have bought into the notion that everyone should look like everyone else. There is a definition of beautiful out there that is not naturally attainable. People strive for those goals and find themselves falling short. The problem becomes that if everyone is meant to be the same, then no one is unique. To put it bluntly, a woman is a woman is a woman. If everybody is the same, what use is the idea of commitment? Why should anything last beyond those butterflies and feelings of infatuation? But each individual is unique, and it is okay to be different. You can be taller or shorter, skinnier or thicker, have more curves or less curves, and all of those are fine. God created you who you are, and there is no reason to think your uniqueness is not beautiful. In fact, your uniqueness is what makes you beautiful and is what will move you from being a woman to THE WOMAN for some guy out there. Your uniqueness is the fingerprint of God in your life!
Along with that, your uniqueness is tied to its own sacredness. For something to be sacred, it is set apart and saved for certain times and places. God has imprinted you with a uniqueness that aligns you with a future mate. That uniqueness is sacred, and we should save that bond for that person. That is where intimacy is found - in the God ordained union of two souls. Sex is the demonstration of that union. You cannot have that union outside of the will of God. Your virginity, or for those who have already lost that, your sexuality is a sacred gift from God. Keep it sacred. Know its importance and value and hold firm to your integrity as you search for the one whose uniqueness completes yours.
2) TEACH RESPONSIBILITY
Ever since that sin in the garden, we have tried to pass the buck. We must teach responsibility for our actions. Guys must be responsible for their thoughts. They need to understand what they are doing when they ogle that girl at the pool. They need to understand how they victimizing these women, and they need to see by doing so they are giving other men permission to do such things to their moms, sisters, daughters, and friends. They must learn to turn from temptation and walk in integrity. Maybe most importantly they need to understand that their lust is theft of another man's sacredness, and they need to ask themselves if they are okay with someone else stealing their sacredness and that future intimacy with their wife.
Girls must take responsibility for how they dress. They should know that they have a responsibility to their dads, brothers, sons, and friends to help them protect their minds and thoughts. If they do not want to be seen negatively, then they must learn to respect their bodies with what they wear. It is a woman's responsibility to dress her body in such a way to glorify God and keep her own integrity.
3) TEACH AWARENESS
The sad fact is most people are not aware of how their dress and actions affect those around them. When a little girl or a teen dresses skimpy, she is not just drawing the attention of the guys her age. A scantily clad young woman draws the attention of men much older, the ages of her father and grandfathers. Not only that, we must teach people to be aware of when victimization occurs. People must be told that it isn't, "okay to look as long as you don't touch." Children and teens need to be taught the consequences on their future relationships their actions today cause. If people are made aware of the consequences of their actions, their decisions can be better made.
4) RECLAIM THE DEFINITION OF SEXY
Why does sexy have to mean scantily clad? Why can't sexy mean integrity, purity, and femininity? In order to win this battle, we must reclaim and redefine what sexy means. Enough of this now because this will receive its own post in the near future.
5) MAKE PURITY AS ATTRACTIVE AS IMPURITY
Again, I won't say much here because this will receive its own post, but until we can make purity as attractive an option as promiscuity and immodesty, we will not change anything.
We have to take a stand now before our daughters and their friends are lost. Our culture says sexy is slutty and slutty is sexy. Every girl from the ages of 5-25 is bombarded with this thought. What if instead they were bombarded by the thoughts above? What if they were told they were unique individuals created by God in unique ways to show the true beauty of His creation? Sexuality is not a sin, but the way our culture paints it is. We must reclaim godly sexuality in our fallen culture!
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